Back in Action

I've been here a month in the Kingdom of Cambodia. Long enough for me to secure a job, a house, a bike, a few friends (though they might deny it), a good number of colleagues and a routine which includes Monday "Game of Thrones" + noodles Night. From Khmer New Year to my work in the villages, I haven't been without material to write about. Yet I didn't. Even my journal remains tucked in the drawer by my bed, the latest entry from my layover in Singapore. I've sent periodic emails and kept up with loved ones, but the blog remained untouched.

Part of this reluctance to write stems from a disappointment in myself. I fully believe you are only as good as your word, and right now my word is less than reliable. Our ambitious plans to begin our own NGO focusing on volunteering and women's health here in Siem Reap are not being realized. Upon hearing this development, the reaction I receive from most is a mixture of "I told you so" and "You shouldn't feel bad." The reasoning for halting our plans is legitimate, but no matter how many times I remind myself that, it feels like a creative excuse.  

When I came to Siem Reap at the beginning of April, I wasn't sure what would happen to our grand idea. My partner, Anna, cannot join me until the fall. Ironically, living here and working for an established NGO relieved some of my concerns about starting our own organization. This is not to say it would be some modest undertaking. I just found myself less overwhelmed by the process, with renewed confidence in my own abilities. My issues and concerns morphed, resembling the darker forms of disillusionment and misdirection. Should I really be promoting "voluntourism"? Will this growing sub-industry prove beneficial? Or will it just be another example of the West trying, with the best of intentions, to help only to cause further dependency? Are volunteers and Westerners taking away jobs from locals, who have nowhere else to go for work? What happens when we leave? 

And you wonder why I haven't blogged yet...

All of my friends here also work for local NGOs, so I'm not alone in this dilemma. These are the questions we reflect upon. And our answers, generally speaking, can be summed up in a quote from Across the Universe: "Surely, it's not what you do, but the way you do it" (pardon the random, yet applicable movie reference). Meaning that these local organizations need to be responsible. If you aren't qualified to run a school in the US, what makes you think you are in Cambodia? Yes, you may be the most educated. There tends to be an arrogance that comes along with an education. I have a Master's degree and am often the most educated person in the room. But I'm not about to give financial planning advice to local businesses here. Because my degree is in HEALTH. If we want to help the developing world develop, we cannot treat them so differently and cut corners. We need to leave the superiority complex at the door. We can help by training and educating and working alongside one another to find solutions to their greatest problems. If you're coming over here to, as my roommate says, "hug some brown kids" and feel better about yourself, then you're not likely to leave a positive impact. As volunteer or as a director of an NGO. 

So will I start my own NGO? Honestly, I have no idea. I'm still an advocate of volunteering abroad (responsibly). At the moment, I can do more good working for my current organization than founding a volunteer group. Guess we'll just have to wait and see...

And with that happy little post, I leave you with this adorable picture of the older women from the hand washing workshop last Friday. Check back soon for updates on my work (for realz), my life in Siem Reap and the big 2-5! :)